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When I was in college, I had 0 skills talking to girls. I’d often get super nervous. I’d often stutter. I’d often expect the worst-case scenarios to happen. Eventually, I realized that the only way to overcome the anxiety and fear that I had was to step into the fire, so to speak, and talk to more girls. I’d go out alone on Fridays and Saturdays and get into “adventures” in which I’d try little by little to improve my skills simply being around girls, then eventually talking to girls, and maintaining contact with them--basically, building rapport. I’m sure many guys have tried this--buying a girl a drink. Personally, I think the logic is sound. It’s difficult to think of the best thing to say to talk to a girl. Do I compliment her looks? Do I mention her scent? Do I dare tell her how much I like her body? Internally, you feel like you only have one good shot, and your odds are already low by default so your one shot must count.

So, of course, the most logical thing to do is buy a girl a drink, right? We’ve all seen it in movies and TV shows. You buy the girl a drink and it opens her up to talk to you. Suddenly, you have a chance to earn her attention for just long enough to give your elevator pitch. Unfortunately, that logic is the problem. I’d try on countless occasions to buy girls drinks and the encounter would go the same way 99.9% of the time. She’d do one of two things. Either she’d take the drink and vanish as quickly as I could blink. Or, she’d take the drink and give it to her boyfriend (or perhaps it's just another dude she liked more than me). Either way, I’d face a double loss. Financially, I’m losing and emotionally I’m losing. Needless to say, buying girls drinks will make you feel like a loser. Now, I’m not saying you should never buy any female ever a drink. I’m simply suggesting that you should never buy a girl a drink as a means to initiate an interaction with her. If you have a female friend, relative, or platonic acquaintance (or, of course, a girlfriend) then go ahead and buy her drink. While you’re at it, go ahead and buy your male friends drinks as well. You could probably stand to be a bit more generous.

Personally, I don’t believe you should buy girls drinks to win their attention just because it creates a bad precedent in the interaction. If you’re buying her a drink, you’re effectively suggesting that you need to pay for her attention, as if it’s high value. However, in my opinion, it’s a bad mindset to believe that anyone (male or female) inherently has high value. Value is earned. It MUST be demonstrated.

So now you face a situation that puts you back at square one. How do you get her attention if buying her a beverage is off of the table?

Personally, I’d say the simplest way is to compliment her on something she’s wearing. When I’d practice talking to girls, this is something I realized almost no men do. Men rarely look past the blatantly visual aspects of an individual to focus on the subtle aspects. Give this a chance next time you have an interaction with someone (male or female).

Note their ears.

Do they have earrings? Are they a unique or peculiar size or style? What about their arms or hands? Do they have tattoos...or maybe scars? What might they represent? Or is there a story behind them?

Look at their neck. Is the person you’re talking to wearing a necklace or any kind of jewelry? Do they have a unique fashion sense? Do they have any fashion sense at all? Begin to take note of all of these things.

I think this is just a great skill to have with people overall--not solely women and not solely men. All people, whether they admit it or not, choose their clothing, accessories, or lack thereof for a reason (even if they aren’t consciously aware of it). Everyone’s personal style is a story. This story is what you can use to begin an interaction with them.

I’ve found this to be a far better method of opening up an interaction than buying a girl a drink. As a side note, I’ve found the opposite to actual be true. In many experiences I’ve had in which a girl outright suggested I buy her a drink and I’d deny it, she’d always maintain an interaction far longer than situations in which I did buy her a drink. I’d like to think that it’s the unexpected nature of it that garners a bit of respect although I can’t say for sure. Personally, I’ve even had situations in which the girl would buy me drinks in response to me not buying her drinks. At the core, the message I want to share is that it’s not necessarily a good idea to use money in order to gather attention from others. One of the best courses of action to make someone feel good and open them up is to genuinely compliment someone on their clothing or a unique feature about them.

Try this out and let me know how it works for you!

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