I learned a while back that you cannot trust a male that cannot say no to the opportunity of sex. What I'm about to write took me a while to figure out. And the moment I mention this, it might sound obvious. Most of what men do, to an extent, is motivated by sex or the subconscious possibility of sex. Most men are bound to pussy. I know, the language might be brutal.
This topic is NOT safe for work. But this is true. And any honest heterosexual male will tell you this. I don’t think enjoying sex or even pursuing sex (consentually, of course) is wrong in any way. I do think that dropping anything and everything for sex is where things get bad. This has happened a lot but let me tell a lighter example of this. I once knew a man. Let’s call him Sam. Sam didn’t date often and when he finally found a girl willing to be in an exclusive relationship with him, he lost ALL of his boundaries and his identity. Whatever she liked, he suddenly liked. Whenever she needed him, no matter how trivial or insignificant her request, he’d bend the knee to her desires. She controlled him. And she knew. I knew it. If I ever meet a man who can’t say “No” to a girl, I can’t trust him.
This same girl, we’ll call her Sarah, had something off about her. She was blatantly disrespectful and never really listened to Sam’s requests. She’d ignore him. She’d do what she wanted, when she wanted. In isolation, I don’t think those things are extremely bad. And I don't know how people behave behind closed doors. Perhaps she was super sweet when they were alone, I figured. But the public and consistent disrespect might be the cause for a conversation. As time went on and as Sam continued to decline my attempts to hang out and socialize with him, I learned my lesson. I developed a philosophy…
Once someone declines too many requests to hang out or meet (within reason), I stop asking. Forever. Actions speak louder than words and a lack of action is a type of action in itself.
To many declines is a scream that they're not interested. This is totally okay. Everyone has a life to live. And I'm not so solipsistic to believe I'm the center of the universe. Eventually, she asked to leave the state. She wanted to see her ex-boyfriend, who she still considered a good friend. Major red flag… But I had no opinion. Sam chose who he was most loyal to. It came as no surprise when she came back from her trip with some bullshit sob story. She explained how she cheated and slept with her ex. I saw this coming a mile away.
A good, male friend will tell you his honest opinions and help you think rationally. Often, in relationships, we view the relationship with rose-colored glasses. In doing so, we miss the major red flags.
A third-party member--a male friend--will alert you to things that seem fishy. Often, the male friend has no skin in the game and so he’s not bound by the same emotions as someone in the relationship. Sarah claimed that she told Sam about her night(s) with her ex because she cared about him. I disagree. I think she felt slightly guilty and told Sam before she got caught and to clear the burden from her shoulders. If she really cared about him, she wouldn’t have gone in the first place. Distraught, Sam reached out to me. He wanted to finally hang out. He needed comforting. Unfortunately, I had no sympathy for his situation and he lost the ability to receive any help from me. This is one of many instances I’ve experienced in which a guy compromised himself to not say no to his girlfriend or a girl in general. Obviously, Sam wasn’t 1000% comfortable with Sarah seeing her ex. Alone. In a different state. No sane male would push his girlfriend to do this. But he dropped his boundaries for pussy. And in doing so, he ruined a relationship. Other men will ruin their finances because they can’t say No. And others will ruin their health. Ultimately, many men ruin their lives simply because they’re incapable of saying no and setting basic yet clear boundaries in their lives. Do not trust a man that cannot turn down sex and say no to a woman. But why do I go as far to say don't trust them? I've seen many men get into fights and ruin the lives of others, sometimes even to the point of murder or death, over a girl. We've all seen variations of this before. A guy and girl are dating. A girl wants to hang out with a male friend at the mall or at the gym. The guy knows better... He knows that the other guy is just trying to sleep with her. And he knows that she's not completely opposed to it. He doesn't want to lose her to the "friend" but he doesn't enforce boundaries so he let's her go out. She cheats, either emotionally or physically. Angry, the guy goes out to confront the " friend".
Either he dies in an altercation, the friend dies in the altercation, or they both die. Sound extreme but it happens all of the time. And it all came to fruition because the guy couldn't say no.
The ability to say no impacts a male's character in my opinion. Usually, a man that can't present boundaries with his girlfriend also lacks boundaries in other areas. I'm a firm believer in the How you do one thing is how you do everything mentality.
A man with no boundaries tends to also lack grit. If someone puts him in a bad place, he might sell you out for his own sake. You're at risk around a man with no boundaries because his rules are malleable. I know, these things all seem extreme. But trust me, be cautious of a guy that can't say no to sex. It seeps into his entire life.
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