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Sex Thoughts #1

The Best Sex a Man Could Have

I recently decided to do a series of articles of varying lengths that dive into my thoughts on dating, relationships, and (maybe) sex. Without a doubt, I know the content will be controversial since I feel like sex is intrinsically controversial and taboo. However, I thought it’d be interesting to share my opinions on the broad subject matter. For the record, in no way do I believe that my thoughts are absolute or concrete in any way, shape, or form. These philosophies that I’ll dive into in this series are simply my thoughts and conclusions that I’ve currently developed. However, like all beliefs I hold, they are subject to change.

Also, I want to note that despite the title of this series, the content I’ll go into isn’t explicitly about sex itself but rather the different components that compose sexual relationships (dating, marriage, partners, etc.). The name is used mainly to be attention-grabbing and spark intrigue. I also want to note that this series will have no specific order. I’ll number them all so they can be seen as a collection of articles but feel free to read them in any order you choose.

Part of the inspiration to write this comes from others asking about my relationship status or my thoughts on dating. Over the past few years, I’ve been questioned by people about my dating status. For personal reasons, which I’ll likely get into as this series goes on, I don’t really talk about my personal dating life or my thoughts on it. However, I’ve been allowing myself to be more open about it. My openness partially comes from my fascination with the concept of relationships as a whole (which likely is partially derived from my interest in psychology).

In this article, I want to discuss my thoughts on a particular dating strategy as a male that I personally implement and what I believe an optimal strategy should be. I’ll also discuss why I believe in my strategy.

Despite the arguments from modern society and the media, I drastically believe men and women are inherently different. Obviously, neither sex is better or worse than the other. Both have strengths and weaknesses that may prove favorable or unfavorable depending on the circumstances but neither are objectively different in value when it comes to the idea of males vs females.

Keeping this in mind, I believe that men and women should both approach dating very in a very different manner. My reasoning for this, which I’ll explain further in this article, is due to general preferences that I’ve found to be consistent in men and women as well as a risk vs. reward approach to dating. I often find that men try to approach dating in a manner that they believe women prefer and women approach dating in a manner that they believe men prefer. Overwhelmingly, I find that this strategy is ineffective in the long-run.

When it comes to men, I personally think marriage and long-term relationships should be avoided under most ordinary circumstances while a male is below his thirties. When I mention “ordinary circumstances” I’m assuming one is of an average middle-class socioeconomic status and doesn’t have any extreme illnesses, conditions, or religious restrictions that may strongly affect their ability to marry or date strongly in one way or another. My philosophy is reserved exclusively for everyone that falls in the center of the bell-curve of life (the majority of us).

Why do I believe that men should take this approach? From personal experience, wisdom gathered anecdotally from others, and from books, articles, speeches, etc. that I’ve reviewed and/or studied, it seems clear to me that men and women both have different strategies and preferences when it comes to finding a partner and different inherent objectives to accommodate those preferences. I want to note that these preferences might not be actively understood by the individual.

Consistently, despite what I’ve verbally heard from women, it seems as though women don’t mind dating older men. Keeping this in mind, it attributes to my belief in which there is little sense for a male to hurry into a long-term relationship. Your age is not a detrimental impact.

Unlike women, who have a biological necessity to find a long-term partner in their twenties or early thirties (assuming she wishes to have her own kids), men don’t have that issue. Therefore, time isn’t a relevant factor. Also, regarding time, men seem to typically prefer younger women in their twenties while women don’t seem to mind dating men older than them (even a 10+ year age gap isn’t uncommon based on historical precedence, modern anecdotal experience, and contemporary research).

Men, however, don’t seem to prefer dating women older than themselves. Keeping all of this in mind, I believe that any fear of getting too old that a male might have is essentially an unjustified fear. Another major reason why I believe men shouldn’t seek long term relationships or marriages in their twenties is because I consider the twenties as a secondary cocoon-phase. I define a cocoon phase as a period of time in one’s life in which their evolution is greatly hindered or accelerated. For example, I consider puberty the first cocoon phase of life. For the majority of us, it’s a period in which we’re trying to adjust to labels either placed upon us or labels we wish to bear. It’s a period in which we’ve become aware of the concept of personal identity.

I believe the twenties is another cocoon or perhaps the tail end of the initial cocoon. I tend to find that people try to discover their long-term identity around this time. This is also a period of time in which decisions tend to be more permanent and irreversible. It seems to be common tradition for people to marry, buy houses, have kids, etc., which I’d consider relatively irreversible decisions.

To me, this period can enable a male to create the most long-term gain. As you may have witnessed, those that take care of their health in their twenties tend to maintain a relatively good physique and condition throughout their thirties, forties, etc. Those that build wealth (or at least learn the tactics and strategies to build wealth) tend to continue these habits and patterns into their thirties, forties, etc. Those that build qualitative relationships tend to continue this into their thirties, forties, etc. I find that patterns and habits are maintained around this time period.

As a side note, while not taking classes but still living at the Penn State campus where I attended college, I read studies that strongly suggested that your primary manner of thinking is ingrained in you around the age of 26. Essentially, your core behaviors and habits become extremely difficult to change after this age (unless you face a traumatic experience). For this reason, I worked hard to maintain certain habits like having high goals, waking up early, exercising frequently, etc. beyond the age of 26 so that it would be ingrained as a primary function of my character. My belief: this is no coincidence. This is the primary period of time to build long-term habits. As a male, assuming you can still date women in your thirties and beyond (which I’ve found to be absolutely true) you are essentially a far better equipped version of yourself in your thirties and beyond. This is all assuming you’re doing qualitative work in your twenties with regards to your social skills, health, and financial knowledge.

As I’ve suggested earlier, I think this strategy is optimal for most men but not all men. I do think that it’s okay to open yourself up to the possibility of a long-term relationship. However, I think this should only be done with women you meet that seem exceptionally compatible for you.

What does exceptionally compatible look like? For one, it’s not just base-level interest. I think a whole article could be used to dive deeper into what traits of an exceptionally compatible person could look like, but I wholeheartedly believe that a woman simply having interest isn’t enough of a factor. I feel like many men take a women’s interest as a high-ranking qualifier for mating potential and I think this is a bad move in the long run. Much like I think a woman seeking a man should find someone compatible to them specifically, I think the same is true of a man seeking a woman. I’d say the ultimate trait of a woman that is exceptionally compatible, or a very strong trait, would be a woman that is committed. Commitment is a willingness to cooperate and make some sacrifices. Obviously both parties should be willing to make sacrifices when necessary, but I’ve found in my own dating life many women that express interest but lack true commitment or a willingness to cooperate. A telltale sign of an inability to cooperate is an unwillingness to be malleable in her schedule or her life as a single woman.

In my own life, I typically know right away when a woman won’t be committed by an unwillingness to adjust her schedule. I often meet girls that have a plan that’s a week or several days away that could easily be moved, postponed, or otherwise skipped. However, she’s unwilling to do so because she only wants to meet up on her perfect terms. This is a major example of interest without a willingness to commit. Consistently, I’ve found that women that begin a relationship on these terms tend to be generally indecisive, flaky, or make a habit of cancelling/postponing plans you have together.

Another key exceptional trait to be aware of is cooperation to help you on your goals. You want someone that helps you grow. Very often, I see friends or hear stories of men that essentially drop their identity for a woman they meet. Initially, this seems to work out. However, over time she grows frustrated until the relationship is essentially marred, or she leaves. This is remedied by simply choosing a woman that is committed to your goals. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t also be committed to helping her with her goals. This simply means that if she is unaccepting with regards to your core values and beliefs, that’s an indicator that she’s not exceptional for you. I absolutely believe men should view a potential long-term partner as a supplement to their lives but never the focus of it.

I want to emphasize that a male in his twenties is in a secondary cocoon state. This is a decade of growth, exploration, and mastery of long-term skills and mindsets. Far too many men lose ambition during this time period because of a long-term girlfriend or wife that may have been fine in general but incompatible for the long run. As I’ve mentioned earlier, age shouldn’t be a major fear for you if you’re striving towards bigger ambitions.

Finally, there’s one major trait that I’ve discovered that separates men and women completely with regards to how they view potential partners. This final reason is why men should not have long-term partners or get married under general circumstances. I’ve found that many men tend to have few options which forces them to settle for the first girl that expresses interest in them or for one of only a handful. While it may sound bad on paper, I think one of the best strategies anyone (male or female) can have in life is to maximize their options. Maximize your dating options. Maximize your wealth options. Maximize your capacity for quality health. Maximize all options when possible because the fewer options you have at your disposal, the easier it is to be victorious.

The person with millions of dollars doesn’t need to get overwhelmed or stressed out when their car breaks down or when they need to afford an expensive surgery. The person with excess vitality, energy, and strength doesn’t need to feel overwhelmed by the physical burdens of life or feel incapable when physical obstacles present themselves. Finally, in the context of this article, the person with many dating options doesn’t need to feel as though they’re settling for a long-term partner. If someone has 100 cards to choose from, it’s easier to eliminate the lowest numbers and leave yourself with the best and highest numbers possible. However, if you only have one or two potential cards on the table, there’s a high probability you’ll flip them and find yourself with a losing hand.

Now, how does a male maximize their options? You need Status. I won’t get into how status is defined from an evolutionary psychology perspective (for more information on specific studies and research, I highly recommend Evolution of Desire by David Buss). What I will mention in this article is that status has been determined to be the quintessential trait that a man can possess that enables him to essentially have a winning hand. And to be clear Status has very little do with Money, Looks, or Fame. The components of status are learnable by any male of any age…but I’ll discuss that in a future article.

To recap, I believe that the optimal strategy for a male is to not date long-term or get married in his twenties. I believe the best strategy is to build himself and seek status (as defined by evolutionary psychologists) in order to maximize his options. Once his options are maximized, he is far more equipped to pick a woman that is exceptionally compatible with him. Until then, I suggest he focus on himself and seek to build his financial literacy, his physical and mental health, and his social skills.

I hope you enjoyed the article, please provide feedback if you have any.

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