I’ve been called a player and I’ve been called a manwhore. To be honest, I’d consider myself neither of these things. In the past, in my early to mid-twenties, I experimented with pickup, game, and understanding the mechanics of attraction. But I've ultimately become somewhat lazy in dating and trying to get women from a sexual viewpoint. Personally, I think females are great to have around for a variety of reasons, one of which is their energy and personalities and the ease of creating a fun scenario. However, when it comes to the idea of dating as a male, the process of trying to date women is long, cumbersome, and offers no great payoff.
I’ll explain my theories on why I think men truly desire sex in a different article. But in this article, I want to focus on one of the more cumbersome aspects of modern dating. To be honest, while I don’t particularly enjoy dating that much as a whole, I do find the idea of attraction and sexual dynamics interesting from a psychological and sociological perspective. It’s fascinating to me. And as you begin to look into it, you begin to see how simple yet complex humans are.
We're simple, in general.
If you take a group of men or a group of women, how they'll behave in many scenarios is fairly predictable.
But as you narrow to individuals, you begin to see how unique a human can be.
In many ways, we’re like machines. We’re programmed and programmable. And our programming can cause us to predict behaviors or manipulate others.
I mentioned this in a previous article but I believe that currently, one of your best tools as a male hoping to date is Status.
And, in my opinion, while there are varying degrees of status, I’d suggest always trying to improve your relative levels of status.
Having high status in your social circle is no longer enough.
Having high status in your work environment is no longer enough.
Having high status in your local area is no longer enough.
I’d argue that the biggest safeguard when it comes to dating is to have a level of status that’s as widespread as possible.
Believe it or not, I’ve seen status make or break an interaction and many relationships.
I’ll give you an example of Status in action and why you need it to keep girls interested in you over the long run in the modern area.
It was a Saturday night similar to every other. My friend and I are in One Loudoun, an area in Ashburn, Virginia where I frequent that has a few recently developed bars.
It's a bit of a hotspot for Northern VA nightlife.
The issue with these bars is that little changes upon each visit. The faces stay the same and the night becomes predictable. It’s the same thing weekend after weekend after weekend. As my friend and I are leaving the bar, we come across two girls in line that signal us to come over. These girls were objectively attractive. I understand that many people think Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder, which I don’t necessarily disagree with. However, I do believe that human biology can identify things that are objectively pleasing and objectively displeasing. Vomit, for example, is objectively displeasing. Your biology needs to find something like vomit displeasing because it ultimately serves the purpose of keeping you alive. If you found vomit appealing, you might interact or consume it, catch a disease, and die. That wouldn't be in your best interest, right? Beauty, in my opinion, functions similarly.
Why the girls signaled us to come over and not any of the other guys in the area was beyond me.
Perhaps they thought we could get them into the bar quicker and help them skip the long line.
Perhaps they genuinely thought we seemed fun or awesome compared to everyone else.
Perhaps it was random and the timing worked out perfectly. Who knows.
In any case, we talked to the girls for a little bit while we waited with them in line. We ended up exchanging Instagram accounts and, at that point, I realized that there wasn’t much point in pursuing them. They both had well over 2000 followers and, as I mentioned earlier, were very attractive.
One of my philosophies with regards to women and dating is that women enjoy attention similar to how a man enjoys sex. It’s highly valuable to them from what I’ve observed. And, over the years, I’ve realized that a girl that gets ample attention from everyone is far less likely to have sex or date just anyone. It’s an uphill battle to get this kind of girl and I don’t think the juice is worth the squeeze in the long run. She’ll only pursue or put herself in an open position for you if your status is greater. And the level of status you need to have is proportionate to the amount of attention she frequently gets. Any girl that can get endless attention from 99% of men she comes in contact with will likely only try to seriously pursue a high-level person like an athlete, celebrity, or someone who locally has immense status. This isn’t to say that a girl that doesn’t get much attention wouldn’t want to end up with an extremely high-status male. However, I’ve found that a girl that receives less attention is willing to compromise for someone with less relative status. My friend wanted to pursue the two girls after they went to the bar. I was pessimistic. I explained that the very moment they entered that bar, every guy would give them exactly what they wanted.
A fuck ton of attention. In that kind of scenario, you’d end up having to compete for her attention and somehow make yourself seem far more valuable than every other guy. And the odds of anything favorable or desirable for you, as the male, happening is slim to none. Your time is better spent talking to other girls or just enjoying the night with your friends. The other men were on the prowl, as most men are during a night out.
Ample attention.
Free drinks.
Endless compliments with the hopes that one of them might get lucky. I saw it as a losing battle. But, my friend insisted we try anyway.
We made our way back into the bar due to the handstamps we had earlier. We saw the two girls. As expected, about 6 other men were surrounding them on every side.
The men swarmed them like vultures circling a carcass.
I couldn’t contribute to it.
I don’t like to give girls excessive attention.
There’s just something about it that rubs me the wrong way and makes me feel less confident. It makes me feel like a loser, seeking validation from a girl.
I don't particularly like seeking validation from anyone, male or female.
It’s not a preferable position.
My friend approached.
He thought the rapport he built up earlier lasted.
It should’ve.
But, it didn’t. And the girl effectively ignored him. You’d think he was a complete stranger by the way she acted. My theory behind this… My theory behind why the girls paid us no mind when we saw them again despite having a great interaction earlier… Is that we lacked high status relative to the other guys giving them attention. It sounds simple but let me paint a scenario. At the time we exchanged Instagrams, the girls had about 2000+ followers each. I had about 1000. And my friend had around 500. Now, imagine we both had around 50k followers each. Or, imagine we had a blue checkmark that indicated celebrity status. What are the odds that the girls would have been more receptive the next time we saw them? I’d say far more receptive. And this is because celebrities are rare. There’s innate status in celebrity. And I highly sense the girls would have left the other men just to hang out with us. Now, I don’t tell this story to make the girls seem bad or to make anyone reading this uncomfortable or upset. I think the story simply demonstrates a problem most men will face and yet offers a remedy.
The problem is that in the modern era, your status as a male will impact your dating life more than anything else.
Your objective as a man is to curate a life in which you have status. And I’d argue that moderate status isn’t enough. I’d argue that you need as much status relative to others as you can possibly come across. If you’re ever interested in talking more about my thoughts on Status and what you can independently do to boost your status, send me a DM and I’ll help. By the way, one of the most impactful books I’ve ever read in my life is Higher Status by Jason Capital. In the book, he discusses the impact of status not just in your dating life but in your professional and interpersonal life as well. I highly recommend reading it. If you’re interested, here’s a link.
Also, full disclosure, I’m NOT an affiliate for this book and I don’t receive any money for this suggestion. I just like the book a lot and think more people should read it.
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